In recent years, Japan's "8050 problems" have become increasingly serious—— children of more than 50 who should have been independent rely on their parents who live by their parents. Japanese media Serai interviewed the real story of a 70-year-old father and a 38-year-old unemployed daughter. From studying and employed to family conflicts, it revealed the educational gap across generations, and ultimately produced a tragedy of powerlessness and dilemma.

70-year-old Yuichi lives in Chiaye Prefecture, Japan. He works as a caregiver in a nursing home and has a pair of daughters. His 40-year-old son is already independent. His 38-year-old daughter lives at home and keeps changing jobs. Xiongyi talked about his wife drowning her daughter since she was a child, so she felt that there would always be a way to do it in her life. About 10 years ago, she worked in the so-called "black-hearted enterprise" and was exhausted physically and mentally, and even attempted to kill herself, so he could not say anything. But I am afraid that if this continues, "8050 problems" will occur. The so-called "8050 Problems" does not refer to children over 50 who care for parents over 80 years of age, but to parents over 80 years of age, but to parents over 80 years of age, relying on their annual pension to support children over 50 years of age.

Xiangichi talked about her daughter's rough work experience. She started to seek employment after graduating from a university in Tokyo at the age of 22 and invested in 100 companies and lost all the candidates. It was heartbreaking to see that Xiongichi allowed her to enter a subsidiary of the trading company at that time, but her daughter felt that her work was boring and she changed jobs two years later. After changing jobs for several jobs, I arrived at a business consultant company with a bad business enterprise at the age of 28.

The black-hearted enterprise was cut. I couldn't get home from the first train to the last train

My daughter worked in the black-hearted enterprise for two years, and took the first train out every day, but she couldn't get home even when she was the last train. If she takes a car home, she has to pay out of her own pocket, so she will spend the night in the company's paper box. During that time, my daughter's hair began to fall off, her pupils dilated for a long time, and finally she wanted to have a lighter plan.

They forced her into an end, and she was involved in problems with men and women. At that time, she was shattered by her mother. "So I said not to enter that kind of company", but her daughter was out of control: "Is it that everything I did wrong? Didn't I work hard as you said? My mother said she wanted to get into a university like her father, and I did it. She obviously wanted to play and was working hard to prepare for the entrance exam …".

Xiangyi's wife blamed him for not being able to contribute or be responsible for the childbirth: "Because you don't say anything, you will fail in childbirth. The child is the work of parents, and our child is a failure." Xiongyi didn't understand what she was thinking at all. The daughter seemed to be hit hard when she heard that she was called a failure.

Give your child the best life, but feel that the education failed

What does a daughter ask for is considered a successful childbirth, and the wife replied, "Make money and be independent." Yuichi helplessly said that his wife had never been in society, so she was very irrelevant and did not care about other people's feelings at all, and said whatever she thought. The daughter, who was treated by her mother as a "failed" and said, "Just make money, just make money." She was recreated and started working in the nightlife circle.

However, Xiongyi's daughter was born with a strong affair and high self-esteem, and it was impossible for her to do so, and she was quickly eliminated. Xiongyi analyzed that the reason was that she was politely "I was a college graduate and did this kind of work just for money."

Yuichi's wife originally planned to help her daughter find a partner with good conditions to marry her, but she was rejected by the other party 10 times. She also helped her daughter to work in a company that imported and processed ingredients, but she only stayed for about a week before she became accused of working because she could not meet the needs of the international relationship. All the things parents do kindly are counterproductive.

When Xiongichi complained with his friend, he was said to be "too doting love" and his wife blamed him for "it's all your fault." He called his son and was also responded by cold water. The reason why the eldest son saw him was because Yuichi never really participated in the family.

Xiang Yi felt moved and thought that as long as his family saw his hard-working back, he could understand it. But the result was that his son was scolded and his daughter was used as a cash withdrawal machine. He experienced fierce competition and was admitted to a prestigious university in Tokyo from his hometown. After graduation, he sold his life for the company. After marriage, he worked hard for his family and became a director of the trading company. Although the family affairs were handed over to his wife, he allowed both children to be admitted to the same university as him, giving them a lack of life. "What do you want me?"

The four daughters stayed at home to rely on their parents. The father still wanted to do his best to work hard

Now his daughter works in a medicine shop. Since she has lost her job for eight years, her monthly income has never exceeded 100,000 days (about NT$20,000). She lives at home now, and her food and clothing are not a problem. Her family is almost entirely covered by her wife, and she hardly helps.

Xiongyi said: "The water and electricity fees and food fees are not paid, but I have a lot of meals in the morning, lunch and evening. I have been paying for health insurance and national pensions. Although I am still healthy, I am already 70 years old. To her, "My parents will not be around forever, and I will come and find a way." She replied, "I talked to my brother and I, and he said that my hometown is for you, so I don't have to worry about the place where I live."

The house has to pay a fixed asset tax, and there are water and electricity and maintenance fees, but she still feels that there is no problem. Despite this, Mr. Xiongyi still gives his daughter a pocket money of 50,000 yen (about NT$10,000) every month, mainly "star-chasing fees". His daughter is obsessed with the good news and chats with her mother happily every day. Seeing their happy appearance, Yuichi would forget it.

My daughter has no plans to get married at all, and has been staying at home for a long time and has not talked about love. Xiongyi said that while he was still healthy, he wanted to make some preparations for her. Although his pension in this generation was less than that of his previous generation, he still had stronger than his daughter's generation. "I still want to keep some savings for her. Now I am still working, and it is also out of my parents' wishes.. ”

8050 How to solve the problem? Experts build trust dialogues

do not focus on "teaching" or "goal orientation"

Professor of Social Spiritual Health at Tsukuba University pointed out that methods to support dependents should focus on "dialogue" rather than traditional "teaching, speaking or setting goals for immediate employment." This "treatment model" often emphasizes the discussion first, but instead creates pressure and obstacles to the subjectivity of the long-term client.

"Dialogue" can restore subjectivity and construct support relationships

Through continuous dialogue, the parties can gradually restore subjectivity and self-development. This is not directed by the result, but a walk-in style ("suspended support"), providing long-term and stable contact and emotional support, and paying attention to the client's choice and time rhythm

does not clearly define the "final point" to avoid pressure accumulation

Setting clear goals (if you want to start working immediately) can easily bring pressure and anxiety, which sometimes leads to further regression of the client. Professor Tsui took the initiative to start from listening to the conversation, so that the other party could feel the understanding and acceptance, and then gradually formed a stable and mutual trust relationship.

Introduce third-party roles and family support to conduct simultaneously

If there is a lack of dialogue in the family, a third party (such as a support group or a professional helper) can be involved to establish an unjusticable and patient dialogue space. At the same time, we should also cooperate with family support to help repair family relationships and expand support networks.